This week, I have been prayerfully studying each of Joseph’s four first-hand accounts of the First Vision. Joseph’s spiritual turmoil leading up to his vision is quite relatable to spiritual struggles we may go through today.
1. Prior to the vision, Joseph’s sins weighed very heavily on him.
The 1832 account features this aspect of Joseph’s experience prominently. The 1835 account mentions it as well. In Joseph’s words, “I felt to mourn for my own sins and for the sins of the world” (1832 account).
Who else has felt to “mourn for their sins”? Who else has “cried unto the Lord for mercy” (1832 account) in times of trouble? I know I have so many times.
2. The convincing arguments from each of the ministers confused Joseph so thoroughly that he lost “all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible” (JSH 1:12).
Some of the arguments presented by the ministers used “sophistry,” or fallacious arguments with the intent to deceive. Others used “reason,” according to their different understandings of the meanings of Bible verses. Regardless, the “war of words and tumult of opinions” (JSH 1:10) was overwhelming to Joseph. When I read these verses, I wrote in my scriptures: “Joseph was going through his own faith crisis!” Being overwhelmed by convincing arguments from all sides and losing confidence in being able to find an answer are common feelings for those that go through a faith crisis. I remember that when I was really struggling with my testimony for a period, I felt the exact same way.
Lessons for Our Own Lives
Joseph Smith’s accounts can teach us powerful lessons in addressing our own questions and challenges.
1. Be Patient & Diligent in Your Search
In the 1832 account, we learn a very important detail: Joseph was seeking answers “from the age of twelve years to fifteen.” The 1838 account in Joseph Smith—History can give the impression that his search all happened very quickly. However, he was diligently seeking for three to four years for answers. (Similarly, Brigham Young diligently studied the Book of Mormon for two years before he decided to get baptized.)
If you are struggling with sins or with questions about the gospel, be patient and diligent in your search. It may even take years, but don’t give up! Continue in “[keeping] the commandments,” “searching the scriptures,” and “[pondering] in your heart” (1832 account). At some point, there will be a verse in the scriptures, or a comment in Sunday School, or a whispering from the Holy Ghost, that strikes you to the very core. This seemingly innocuous moment will enlighten you just as James 1:5 did for Joseph.
That likely wasn’t the first time Joseph had read James 1:5. His family read the Bible and attended church together. However, because he continued forward “with great diligence, and with patience” (Alma 32:41), the time came when God helped Joseph understand that verse in a way he never had before.
2. Turn to God for Answers
Because he could not find answers from the logical arguments of men, Joseph realized through James 1:5 that he could turn to God for answers. In the same way, during my faith crisis, it was only when I stopped trusting “in the arm of flesh” (D&C 1:19), and instead turned to God, that I received powerful spiritual witnesses of the truth. Similar to Joseph, I said one of the most desperate prayers of my life, pleading vocally to Heavenly Father for assistance and rescue. Although God and Jesus Christ did not appear to me, I experienced ray after ray of light that combined together to grow into “[my] own pillar of light”: powerful testimonies of the reality of God and Jesus Christ, their Gospel, and their Church (Pillars and Rays, Elder Alexander Dushku, General Conference, April 2024).
3. The First Message of the Restoration
In the 1832 account, we read that the first words the Lord Jesus Christ spoke to Joseph in the vision were as follows: “Joseph, my son, thy sins are forgiven thee;” that is, the Lord a) called Joseph by name; b) claimed Joseph as His son; and c) immediately forgave Joseph’s sins after Joseph asked for it. This means that the very first message of the Restoration—before the Book of Mormon and before the revelations of the Doctrine and Covenants—was as follows:
- I know you by name.
- You are mine.
- Your sins are forgiven.
What a beautiful and hopeful message for each of us!
If your sins weigh heavily on your soul like Joseph’s did—or if you just wish to be known and not alone—then turn to Jesus Christ, who “was crucified for the world, that all those who believe on [His] name may have eternal life” (1832 account).
This post was originally written on January 17, 2025. It has been re-edited for a blog format here.